7 Tips to Onboard the Maximum Number of Thanksgiving CaloriesView all posts
As you know, we have quite a lot experience with onboarding. On most days, the term onboarding refers to the process of integrating a new employee to your organization, but on Thanksgiving, onboarding takes on a different meaning for us.
As a thank you for your loyal support, we wanted to share a special list of techniques for maximizing the number of foods you can onboard into your body before you have to take a nap on your aunt Ruth’s couch.
1) Start the Night Before
Thanksgiving will be a marathon, so take a tip from elite runners and be disciplined before the big race. Eat a big dinner to keep your stomach at peak volume, drink lots of water, stretch, and hit the hay early. After three glasses of wine and a half a turkey tomorrow, you’ll want all the energy you have access to.
2) Show up Prepared
Like the first day at a new office, you need to show up both well-rested and armed with the right tools for the job. We recommend the following toolkit:
- Pants that are more stretchy than they look
- Shirt that allows you to leave with more than you arrived with
- Footwear with superb traction to be first in line when dinner and dessert are served
- Storage containers for leftovers
- Sweatband/hairtie to keep food out of hair
- Answers to questions relatives who haven’t seen you in a year will inevitably ask
3) Conserve Space Before the Meal
Carbonation? Not today my friends. Every beer or soda or sparkling cider you drink is a karate chop to another helping of precious Thanksgiving food. Want to eat a half pound of cheese and crackers while you wait for the turkey to come out of the oven? Don’t even think about it. Remember, it’s a whole year wait if you accidentally fill up before the main event.
4) Build your Masterpiece
Just because Uncle Jeff brought his signature rutabegas, don’t feel obligated to put some on your plate if you’re going to inevitably say you were saving the best for last but got too full. The plate is your canvas alone, so express your inner Pablo Pie-casso, Vincent Van Gravy, or Wassily Cran-dinsky.
5) Sit Next to Someone Talkative
Time is money so every second you’re talking is time your body is realizing you’ve eaten two days worth of calories in seven minutes. Find a chatty neighbor and let them do the talking while you do the shoveling.
6) Stretch Before Dessert
All that yoga you’ve done this year will come in handy because you’re not done yet. We recommend this yoga pose to give your stomach its second wind, but choose whichever stretch you think will maximize your ability to eat a full helping of every available dessert.
7) Rendezvous with your Bed
Get outta there before the turkey fatigue kicks in! We recommend telling your friends and family you need to get up early the next day to buy them all presents. Or you become a pumpkin when the clock strikes midnight (even though technically this makes you the carriage). We like to start our car in the driveway before dessert to enable a heist-caliber exit.
Happy Holidays from the WorkBright Team!
While we don’t have any software in place to help manage space in your stomach during your Thanksgiving meal (yet), we hope these tips help you get the most out of your holiday. We wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving and want to extend an enormous thank you for your support of WorkBright in 2019!
Your Year-Round Partners in Onboarding,